Politics | Humor
We Might Have to Put an Ankle Monitor on the President
The President visits the border wall after his Twitter and Facebook suspensions
In one of the grandest displays of callousness ever, and a total inability to read the room, the President of the United States will emerge from his bunker on Tuesday to go visit the U.S. border wall with Mexico. In his mind, he’s probably going to visit his beautiful legacy that he’ll bequeath the world.
To the rest of us, he’s going to visit the place where it all began, the monument to white supremacy that let us know what he was really about. Xenophobia, racism, inflammatory language, and locking kids in cages with policies of border separation. Toss in an attempted coup d’état as our relationship became more and more strained, and it’s quickly beginning to look like Trump is about to become the most toxic ex-boyfriend America has ever had.
Violent, abusive, talking down to you all the time, stealing your hard-earned cash so he could party with his rich friends, sleeping with Russian women behind your back all the time; trying to force you to comply with shit you don’t want to do — and now he’s even breaking your stuff. Your house is destroyed!
Don’t deny it. Now’s not the time for denial. Why does everyone want to downplay how toxic their relationships are? You know exactly what happened.
He invited all of his friends to come party at your house the other night — without your permission — and he told them to “wreck everything.” The same night, they all got super drunk and threatened to kill the Vice President. They erected a noose in your front yard and looked for the Vice President everywhere. Thankfully, they didn’t find him.
He also invited his super racist friends and they hung up a bunch of Confederate flags all over your walls, knowing full damn well how much you hate racism. We all hate his super racist friends, but somehow, they always find out where the party is so they can show up and ruin everything for everyone else. Racist friends: ruining great American parties for 401 years straight.
It was not a good time for anyone who was there — and it was the final straw.
